Throughout history, in many countries, including Afghanistan, giving birth to a boy is still considered a great fortune. When a male baby is born, families often throw large celebrations. They invite relatives and friends, cook delicious meals, and stay up all night to celebrate what they consider a great blessing. The mother is showered with gifts, and the father is treated like a hero who has won a championship, walking proudly with his head held high. In these cultures, boys are seen as trump cards for the family. But why are boys regarded this way? They hold authority not only over themselves but also over their sisters, wives, daughters, and even mothers. They often decide what is “good” or “bad” for others, including where to go, what to wear, and in some cases, even how to laugh. If a girl’s behavior doesn’t meet their standards, it is often dictated by the boy’s wishes, and if she disobeys, her life may be in danger. And strangely, this is often justified by the belief that it is God’s will, as written in the Holy Quran.
On the other hand, a mother who gives birth to a girl may feel ashamed, as her family, especially her husband, may blame her. Despite biological facts — that it is the male chromosome which determines the baby’s gender — society often places the blame on the woman. She is constantly questioned and criticized for not giving birth to a son. This pressure causes many women to prioritize everything over their own happiness and dreams. They learn to put others’ needs ahead of their own desires. Additionally, regardless of whether the child is a boy or girl, the father remains the ultimate decision-maker. When asked, “Whose children are they?” it’s always “the father’s son” or “the father’s daughter.”
From the moment a girl is born, she faces discrimination in every aspect of her life: her education, her marriage, her choices, and her future. She must navigate numerous societal and familial obstacles just to live as a human being, not as a tool. It often feels as though being born a girl is a crime for which the mother is guilty. In contrast, carrying a boy is seen as a blessing, something that brings pride and honor to the family.
Over the past 20 years, women have made significant strides in claiming their rights and raising their voices for equality. At the very least, they have found the courage to stand up against injustice. Many women have been able to hold high positions in government, work in various ministries, and create their own businesses. In some cases, businesswomen have even become the primary financial and emotional leaders of their families. However, after the fall of the previous government and the rise of patriarchal powers, women — once again the most vulnerable group — have been pushed back into their homes. The result is that women now, more than ever, hope to give birth to a boy, as if it were their only means of securing their place in society.
Growing up in a patriarchal society has led young men to become harsh and reckless. These men grow up to be fathers who prioritize sending their sons to the best schools, ensuring they receive the most advanced education. On the other hand, these same fathers may not stand up for their daughters, who may be denied even the most basic education. For instance, there are cases where girls have been unable to attend public schools for years, yet the father may still feel proud that his son is receiving an education. Of course, this does not apply to all fathers. There are many who have always supported their daughters and their dreams. It is true that some fathers have buried their daughters alive, but there are also fathers who have treated their daughters like princesses.
To conclude, the belief that boys bring luck is slowly being replaced by the harsh reality that they are often the primary breadwinners in the family. I fear that, like in centuries past, there may come a time when people stop burying their daughters alive, but continue to treat them as lesser beings.
Writer: F.M.
